{"id":204,"date":"2020-05-07T16:30:56","date_gmt":"2020-05-07T15:30:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/tceltintr679475724.wordpress.com\/?p=204"},"modified":"2020-05-07T16:30:56","modified_gmt":"2020-05-07T15:30:56","slug":"blog-4-life-transitions-a-covid-19-pregnancy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sites.dundee.ac.uk\/tcelt\/2020\/05\/07\/blog-4-life-transitions-a-covid-19-pregnancy\/","title":{"rendered":"Blog 4. Life transitions: A \u2018Covid-19\u2019 pregnancy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By William D Barlow<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n

It was the middle of the night when my partner told me. Peering through my sleepy eyes, and under the blanket of darkness, I stole glimpses of her navigating through the obstacle course that is our bedroom. I felt the stillness of the cold night air billowing as she gently tapped me on the shoulder and then, with a tender smile, she offered me what looked to be a pen, a pen that would write the next chapter of our lives together. I was going to be a Father. She, a Mother. We were going to be a Mummy and Daddy. In that moment our lives, status, relationship and identity changed<\/a>. In that moment, we were experiencing a life transition<\/a>.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Transitions happen throughout our lives with some being chronologically expected as part of a life course trajectory.<\/a> Indeed, it is suggested that early transitions can influence future ones, thus, making it important that the initial ones are positive. For my partner, some of her childhood transitions were positive and others less so. Those that weren\u2019t positive led to her being Looked After and Accommodated. According to life course theory<\/a> (LCT) my partner\u2019s earlier transitions might result in potential difficulties during this journey into parenthood. However, LCT fails to consider the importance of latter interventions in altering life trajectories, and instead focuses on transition as an individual process<\/a>. Yet, neither my partner nor I are experiencing this transition alone. In fact, it is how we as a couple, and not as individuals, recognise the multiple and multi-dimensional transitions<\/a> that we are encountering together, which helps us to support one another through our pregnancy, albeit a Covid-19 one. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Initially our pregnancy started like many others, we read baby name books attempting to settle on one, or two, or three names, and purchased multiple items for the nursery. After our first scan we shared our news with our close friends and family; my partner\u2019s friends even started organising a baby shower. In that time, we were slowly grappling with our emerging identities as a Mummy and a Daddy-to-be. My partner and I would often ask one another, \u201c\u2026can you believe that we are going to be parents \u2013 I hope we will know what to do\u2026\u201d, \u201c\u2026should we raise him\/her as a vegetarian?\u201d and \u201c\u2026should we get the baby christened?\u201d.  This was, in part, our attempt to forge our new identity<\/a> together based upon our perceptions of our skills, characteristics, competencies, values and beliefs. However, this identity change<\/a> was a gradual evolution where we attempted to piece together our pasts by remembering, reviewing, organising and discussing them with our friends and families. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The social recognition of being pregnant required us to share our life experiences, and depending to whom we were speaking, our medical histories. Some might find this easier to do than others. However, for us, especially my partner, this raised several issues. For example, explaining her childhood to strangers was difficult as it required her to reflect on her childhood which, in turn, raised questions about her self-awareness, identity, self-esteem, competence, autonomy and social support<\/a> when she was a child and subsequently now as an adult. However, by speaking with our families, sharing photographs (some rather embarrassing ones of being bathed in the kitchen sink), and listening to the advice of others, offered us the reassurance that we needed as we grappled with our emerging parental identity<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Over the next three to four months we started to plan our antenatal classes, signed-up for mother and bump events, and even attended some pre-birth yoga classes. My partner and I respectively joined mums\/dads-to-be apps and we both read numerous parenting books. Preparing for the birth, we bought our pram and multiple other things, which I\u2019m still struggling to understand what they are for, though I am assured that, \u201cWe can\u2019t do without them!\u201d. Next, we started to imagine going on visits to cafes, parks, and seeing our families cuddle and kiss our little one. In doing so, we were planning and imagining what kind of parents we might be by speaking and interacting with others while acknowledging the social structures<\/a> which we were a part of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Then it happened. Covid -19. Lockdown. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When the First Minister spoke to the nation informing us to socially distance, everyone\u2019s lives changed \u2013 we were all experiencing a collective transition. For my partner and I, it meant the end of the face-to-face support we had enjoyed and often needed. Over the next five weeks it became clear that we weren\u2019t going to attend the groups and events that we planned. Nor were we going to share our little bump gradually growing bigger with our friends and family. Sadly, the baby shower was cancelled, and my partner recognised that all the expectations that she had for our pregnancy and her maternity might be at best stalled, or at worse never experienced. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As the weeks rolled on, my partner attended midwife appointments alone and we learned that our baby\u2019s growth curve was stalling. During this time, curves became important to us. On one hand, we wanted the Covid-19 one to flatten and on the other, we were desperately hoping for our baby\u2019s growth curve to rise. To support us the hospital offered additional scans. However, to minimise the risk of infection, my partner was required to attend our hospital appointments alone, without me there to hold her hand. In addition, we couldn\u2019t attend our antenatal classes as all, but essential midwife appointments have ceased. Also, we have just learned that I will only be allowed to attend the delivery, and then asked to leave. Right now, it is hard to comprehend being apart from one another, especially at this most significant life event, and the potential loss of initial bonding as a new family.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Looking to the future, we recognise that there will be reduced services and that our family\/friendship networks might not be as hands-on as we might have hoped for. The idea of my mother and father not being able to initially hold their grandchild is heart breaking. However, as time has passed, we have grown to consider the term \u2018lockdown\u2019, with its negative connotations, as an incorrect description of our experience. Language is not neutral, and it is important that we are not collectively oppressed<\/a> by this conceptualisation. Instead of using \u2018lockdown\u2019, my partner and I have opted to use a more positive term \u2013 \u2018opening up\u2019. In doing so, we have begun to appreciate our time together more than we have ever done. It has enabled us to dialogue and listen to our hopes and concerns with one another about parenting and our relationship more generally. This has been possible, in part, due to the uninterrupted time created during Covid-19. For example, due to now working from home, I no longer have my weekly commute to and from Aberdeen, where I live for part of the week. In turn, it feels like I have additional space for family time enabling my partner and I to cherish our baby\u2019s early developmental milestones<\/a> which I might have otherwise missed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sharing these milestones with our family is important to us, and we were initially fearful that we wouldn\u2019t see or hear from our parents during this situation. However, through video call apps, my parents are now calling us daily \u2013 something that we wouldn\u2019t have normally done \u2013 just seeing them and knowing that they will be able to share in our joy is in itself joyous. Indeed, my parents have actively taken to the digital world and we receive multiple gifs, videos, jokes, photos and voice notes from them. I can\u2019t over stress how they have adapted to the digital world. When I spoke to my Dad about this he simply said, \u201cHow else would I see my baby [grandchild]? I just had to learn how to do it.\u201d This comes from a man who has previously been unable to send a text. Therefore, we might be socially distancing, but we are now digitally connecting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Another positive to \u2018opening up\u2019 is our wonderful midwife. She has helped with multiple phone calls\/texts, pointed us to digital antenatal apps and websites for my partner and I to engage with. This was incredibly helpful as we were able to learn together in our own time<\/a> without the distraction of other couples. Although, one won\u2019t know if we might have benefited from the face-to-face interactions with other couples. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I started this blog, by suggesting that the pregnancy test kit which my partner presented to me was like a pen. In 1965, Bob Dylan wrote the song, \u2018The Times They Are A-Changin\u2019, where he said,<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Come writers and critics, prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide, the chance won’t come again
And don’t speak too soon for the wheel’s still in spin
And there’s no tellin’ who that it’s namin’
For the loser now will be later to win
For the times, they are a-changin’<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a transition researcher, I attempt to use my \u2018pen\u2019 to write about the positive aspects<\/a> of transitions as they aren\u2019t necessarily negative for everyone. In writing about our pregnancy, I hope that my partner and I will continue to keep our \u2018eyes wide\u2019 and cherish this moment together, \u2013 \u2018the chance won\u2019t come again\u2019. Indeed, I hope that we will continue to maintain our positivity through this and future life transitions. While all the time remembering what Bob tells us, \u2018The Times They Are A-Changin\u2019, or should that be, \u2018The Times They Are Always<\/em> A-Changin\u2019.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d like to thank my partner and our \u2018bump\u2019 for helping me write this blog. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Will is a lecturer at the University of Aberdeen. He is the Subject Lead for Drama Education at primary and secondary levels. Will publishes on and supervises research projects regarding Drama Education, teacher education and transitions. <\/em>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Image Copyright: William D Barlow<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We would be grateful if you could kindly complete this brief questionnaire about this blog post. It will take you no more than 5 minutes. https:\/\/dundee.onlinesurveys.ac.uk\/covid-19-and-transitions-individual-blog-post<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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