Laptop speakers won’t be ideal for listening, if you can use something else.

I am in the kitchen. White surfaces stained. It is messy. I read on Twitter about people’s clean houses and how they have never been cleaner. Mine isn’t, I don’t clean. I am surrounded by mess. Layers of voices and sounds in my house. I just have to clean some dishes and it would
look better. The fridge smells. There is a gooey substance gluing jars to the bottom. My wine bottle has been leaking into the vegetable drawer. I am not going to clean.

Not going to clean up this mess. I am home. Cleaning it up is too much to ask. My precious bottle of wine has emptied itself. The emptiness won’t go away. I am allowed to go out and get more wine. I should really clean the fridge. That smell can’t go away. I am not going to clean.

Staying home has amplified the media voices. It is hard to clean them away. Tomato puree has now left marks on the top shelf in my fridge. I could clean that away.

What am I doing outside? I remember the walks to the shop, my body carries me there. The supermarket has become entertainment and anxiety all at once. I have to get some cleaning products. A sponge will do. It will clean enough away. I will eventually clean. The louder the voices the less I exist. I can’t clean.

Tina Krekels is a Berlin based musician, who makes sounds on the saxophone, where she uses her voice and electronics to alter the instrument. Her compositions mostly engage with current politics by using text or voice to confront the masculine and military world we have to face. She holds a PhD in Creative Practice from the University of Edinburgh.

Image courtesy Tina Krekels